I realized just now, while preparing leftovers for lunch, that I'm living wrong. I am living like a man holding his breath, and waiting to exhale. I allow myself moments of levity. It seems that "taking a break" from the pressures of the world and/or my domestic dilemnas, allows me to relax and enjoy my life and not get too stressed out. In general, that would be good advice.
I am stringing together those moments like a man holding his breath - or taking punches to the head in the boxing ring, waiting for the bell. Waiting for the unsettled feeling to go away.
Do we do this, with life? I think we do. I think we make for ourselves a set of circumstances that will allow us to do what we truly want.
I'll get back to writing and revising as soon as I'm less stressed.
But there's always going to be stress. Life doesn't stop just because you need a time out. I suspect the best writers learn how to tune the world out, make it go away.
Instead, I am here, holding my breath and hoping it will go away. This is why I am unpublished. I can analyze the impact of A Game of Thrones (I even watched True Blood last night, along those lines), and I can offer myself all of the comforts of why I should press on with epic high fantasy fiction - and yet, day after day for weeks now, I'm only allowing myself moments of pleasure to ease the discomfort of my situation. A young child rides his dirtbike outside my window. "Oh, it's too noisy, I can't concentrate." "I'm too tired." "I have to work tonight."
There's always a reason to not do what you want to do. And the world carries on. My situation approaches what we can call a deadline, and the other people involved don't seem terribly concerned.
It'll be fine. Well, things tend to resolve one way or the other, if that's what you mean by fine. Fine shouldn't be good enough. Circumstances shouldn't stand in the way of passion, determination.
"When in doubt, make a fool of yourself. There is a microscopically thin line between being brilliantly creative and acting like the most gigantic idiot on earth. So what the hell, leap." - Cynthia Heimel
I don't know if any of this helps you, but it helped me. Writing always does. Have a great week.
"fine"
ReplyDeletethat word never mean optimum to me.... never means what should be.... it just means "it is what it is" .....
I also agree that circumstances should not stand in the way of determination and passion....
of course.. I am the worst at waiting to find out "what will be" I always want to control it and jump start the process even when it seems out of my control.... unfortunately when other people are involved in the decision process we can't always control it I guess.
xo
It's been a rough go, and I've been escaping and internalizing, but fortunately those moments pass (even if they don't result in more blog content). The completion of a 2nd revision to a current chapter was accomplished this week, and I'm feeling better again. Even if things are still a little haywire over here.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your comment, Songbird. xo