Black Friday .. and stuff.

I love Black Friday. I do, it's a guilty pleasure for me. Only since moving up to North Carolina have I actively gone out and waited in lines to buy trinkety-doodads at midnight and all that stuff. And then, the next day, I always lament that I spent too much money and what was I thinking and oh noes.

Like, for instance, I bought LOTR on blu-ray for $4 each. Such a good deal! But I already have them on DVD. Oh. And, really, if I were going out to buy LOTR - I'd buy the extended versions. Heh. This is essentially what I do on Black Friday. Buy stuff I really don't need (and buy stuff for other people that they may or may not want) and lament being broke afterwards.

That, and not shaving from now until the end of the year. These are my traditions. I am a simple man.

I believe in Black Friday, in that little boost to the economy that we desperately need and whosoever is in office will take credit for it. Speaking of politics, I did vote this year, but I wasn't particularly enthusiastic about it. I'm tired of all the negativity and doomsaying in politics. Still, if you don't vote, you can't complain, right? Right.

Anyway, just checking in. While on my path to being a world famous published author, I have to get my house in order, and 2012 has kicked my ass with Chaos, which I can appreciate.

I'm working 6 days a week now, a far cry from a couple months ago, when I was lucky to work at all. I have a lot of goals to accomplish, to get things settled, so that my creative mind is unstressed and relaxed to where I can go back to Zherlios and continue telling the tale of Angtamin, Dubane, Kortirion and Nithacar the Battlerager.

But in the meantime, there's Fantasy Football and collecting MTG and Football cards. Working now enables those habits. Working also takes up all of my time.

Speaking of habits, I am slowly but surely converting my nicotine habit to electronic cigarettes. I've gone from a pack a day to a cigarette a day on average, and I feel that I'll be able to give up the solo cigarette here within the next week.

I love my job. That's a post for another time, but I'm very thankful to have found employment where I'm challenged and engaged and in a friendly, appreciative environment. It's a step in the right direction, and the frustration I've faced these last few years has finally got me going in the right direction.

Wherein the blog is a vehicle for catharsis, examination and eventual retrospect, I would like to thank the Universe for my good fortune, for the money that's coming in, for the love and companionship of my friends and family, for my much improved health, and for the little things too numerous to mention. I'm happier, on many levels, than I've been in a long time. Things will only get better from here. The novel's not going anywhere, it's still there in my head, and I will finish it and it will get published, one way or the other.

I do sometimes miss the camaraderie in engaging the sf/f community on the internet, the hot topics and drama and new titles and author news and such. But, for now, I'm okay with being excited about The Hobbit coming out next month and 4 months until Game of Thrones kicks off Season 3. Season 3 is going to floor people. Storm of Swords is the best book in the ASOIAF series (so far).

That's enough babbling for now. I hope you and yours have a great holiday weekend and have plenty to be thankful for.

Spring Break!

Bandit says "It's okay." 

From poison ivy to new employment / work opportunities to a deadline I'm working towards... let's just call this Spring Break! Back in a couple weeks.

Ah, Poison Ivy..

In case you don't follow me on Twitter, you may have missed that for the past couple weeks, I've been afflicted with poison ivy.

Truly, I don't want to bore you with the details, particularly since I'm still fighting it. Essentially, I've barely had a decent night's sleep in two weeks or so, for the itching and pain. Maybe I'll get some pictures at some point of the vile weed, but apparently what we had in our backyard is some genetic mutation of poison ivy, sumac AND oak, called ... I don't know. But it was a nasty purple thorny vine and the scratch it gave me lay dormant for a week.

Then it evolved into a hole and a huge rash on my left wrist, and left ankle. During which time I felt like amputation might be a reasonable alternative.

Fortunately, even in spite of my own bad ideas, it's begun to heal. 

I'm still not getting much sleep because it itches. And burns. And makes me want to scream. I finally started taking prednisone a few days ago, which has its own side effects, including stomach cramps and short term memory loss. 

But don't you worry about me. I'm fine. Sitting at a desk where I have to brace my left arm up in order to type has been - more trouble than it's been worth.

I've read a few books while this has been happening, and watched a couple things - all of which I'll detail in another post.

I just wanted to share with you my gory pictures... although I suspect, due to the quality of my webcam, they don't look nearly as bad on here as they do in real life. Color yourself fortunate.

Til the next.

Musical Interlude - Whitney Houston

Pop music sensation Whitney Houston passed away earlier today from unknown causes, though the unfortunate speculation is the cause of death is drug related.

As a karaoke host in the 90's, I've heard more of Whitney's songs than I could possibly count - hers was a beautiful voice filled with soul, and it was no surprise that so many wanted to emulate that. Her involvement with Bobby Brown was a tragedy of Shakespearean proportions and even after divorcing him, her career was never the same, though she still had the talent.

Whitney Houston was one of the very few pop/ballad vocalists with a voice that I never grow tired of hearing; she was just that good. However, the song that I picked brings back a great memory. My junior year in high school, I played Varsity football (mostly from the bench, alas), and the team was pretty good. We went 7-3, which was our best record in a long while (til my Senior year when I thought I would become a boxer, so I didn't play football that year, and we ended up going 9-1).

Had some great friends playing football. I was probably the smallest guy on the team (besides the kicker), but the players treated me with respect, and the coaches made me work out as if I wasn't supremely scrawny. (Seriously, I was put at nose guard at one point.) I got tough, I got strong, and developed a great deal of self-respect, while fortifying some amazing friendships. I never had much of a sports career, nor glory days, but I always look back on my athleticism with fondness for what it did for me, the geeky guy.

At the post-season banquet, there was a highlight video reel, and this was the song that served as the soundtrack. Every time I hear it, I think of 3-a-days in a Florida summer, of the first time I got hit so hard I saw stars, and the coach mutilating my name at the top of his lungs while motivating me to play harder. Good times.

No matter the mistakes she made in this lifetime, the power of her voice, and the impact of her inspirational songs, will always be her legacy. The good far outweighed the bad, no matter what the media would have you believe. May she rest in peace.



Lyrics:

Each day I live
I want to be
A day to give
The best of me
I'm only one
But not alone
My finest day
Is yet unknown

I broke my heart
Fought every gain
To taste the sweet
I face the pain
I rise and fall
Yet through it all
This much remains

I want one moment in time
When I'm more than I thought I could be
When all of my dreams are a heartbeat away
And the answers are all up to me
Give me one moment in time
When I'm racing with destiny
Then in that one moment of time
I will feel
I will feel eternity

I've lived to be
The very best
I want it all
No time for less
I've laid the plans
Now lay the chance
Here in my hands

Give me one moment in time
When I'm more than I thought I could be
When all of my dreams are a heartbeat away
And the answers are all up to me
Give me one moment in time
When I'm racing with destiny
Then in that one moment of time
I will feel
I will feel eternity

You're a winner for a lifetime
If you seize that one moment in time
Make it shine

Give me one moment in time
When I'm more than I thought I could be
When all of my dreams are a heartbeat away
And the answers are all up to me
Give me one moment in time
When I'm racing with destiny
Then in that one moment of time
I will be
I will be
I will be free
I will be
I will be free

2012 Goals | Reading, Writing, Blogging, Personal

I confess that I'm a bit of a hypocrite - because I've been reading posts about everyone's goals for the new year and I roll my eyes. I'm sure it's documented somewhere that most new year resolutions fall off by February.

And here I am. A sheep. In Wolfe's clothing. Ha ha.

I guess that I'm doing this obligatory post mostly for my own satisfaction - this blog gets some hits, but I don't have the followers or comments here that I've had elsewhere. For now. I'm going to work on that.

When I kept a review blog a year or two ago, there was slightly more traffic and/or watchers - though I suspect that this was a function of "You watch my blog and I'll watch yours." Still. One of the things I did at the beginning of the month was to "mark all as read" in my google reader, and I've been keeping up ever since. Eventually, I'll get around to actually commenting, and (theoretically) that will bring more traffic.

Why? Because it's more interesting to post when people respond.

Reading Goals: Mondays, I'm going to post my reading journal. My goal is a fiction book a week, and one non-fiction book per month. Last year, I read several authors that were new to me, and I want to continue this trend, as well as returning to authors whose skill is much greater than mine, such as Jacqueline Carey, Guy Gavriel Kay and George R. R. Martin. I also want to balance male and female authors. There's something to be gained, as a male author, by reading a female's voice.

In fiction, I am going to return to epic fantasy and historical fantasy as my primary reading efforts - with urban fantasy for my leisure/entertainment reading (meaning: Going to finish up the Southern Vampire Mysteries series, and continue with Patricia Briggs and Carrie Vaughn). I'm going for a ratio of 3 epic fantasy per historical and urban fantasies read.

Last year I didn't keep stats for my reading - this year I'm going to keep records, so that I can look back and see how well I did. Why? Reading is part of an author's job. Seeing what others do right, do wrong, do differently, do exceptionally well. The enjoyment I find in reading a well-crafted tale inspires me and my muse towards my own material.

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Writing Goals: "Catalyst" is about 40% revised and edited and sitting at about 135k words. There are some fatty sections that need to be trimmed to appeal to the current market. There are some parts that need to be added as well. Ideally, I suspect I should aim for 110k words, but my goal is 125k. Adding in a few antagonist(s) POV chapters, I believe, will support that word count.

Beyond that? Two short stories that fall in the same timeline as "Catalyst", that I need to write for the canon of the world events and tribal foundations. They are mostly notes on pages at this point, though I have the stories in my head. After those are written, I'd like to put down at least 50,000 words towards the next full length project. Ideally, twice that.

Professionally, "Catalyst" to be ready for submission by summertime, giving me a few months by which to hone my query letter and continue research on suitable agents. Not likely a process I will be detailing too much here.

Lastly, the availability of online writing workshops and their relative drop in price has made me reconsider them. I'd like to attend at least one class here, or attend one or two workshops online, before the end of the year. The benefits are countless - but first and foremost, I need to have a finished manuscript.

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Personal goals.

My financial and domestic situation has never fully balanced out since becoming unemployed in summer 2009. I've worked sporadically in 2010/2011, but nothing special (or permanent), as it turns out. Ultimately, staying with friends and struggling to make ends meet goes a long way towards distracting me from creativity - so this is something I've got to take some time and get on top of. Essentially, I have to choose to pursue writing as my career and find a job that will support that - or pursue my career and go back to writing as a secondary venture. What I'm doing now is neither, and it's not working. I need my own place, my own workspace, and a sense of sanctuary.

Last week, I started working out at a gym. You might be surprised to learn that I'm out of shape, because I'm rather slender. I gained a lot of weight when I was unemployed - and it all went to my midsection. Also, I haven't pursued any serious fitness regimen in over a decade, so I've not only gained some fat, but I've lost what muscle I did have.

Turns out I function better when I get up super early in the morning, work out and get on with the day. That's not terribly surprising, after all - more like a "duh" moment. But it feels good, and I'm in need of it.

Which means I have to quit smoking. I actually like smoking... there's something useful about getting up from the computer, stepping outside, gazing at the surroundings... I have done my best thinking while smoking. But it's also stupid to run 2 miles on a treadmill and then smoke afterwards. Really, really stupid. I just turned 40 last year, and ... yes, it's time to quit. Today, I try the nicotine patch. We'll see how it goes.

It's a funny thing, gaining weight and balancing nutrition with Crohn's Disease. Working out (and quitting smoking) makes you eat more - but Crohn's is not kind to absorption, and the biggest problem I've had with quitting in the past is being able to process all the extra food that I want to eat. I'm hoping that balancing this out with more physical activity will give my body something to do with the extra food, rather than it just irritating my intestines. The other side of that issue is that, due to bad nutrient absorption, all that working out is wasted and muscles don't get what they need to heal. I'm happy to have gained weight, but I need to make this program work so that I can convert it into muscle from fat.

Lastly, this year, I'm happy. I got a little angsted towards the end of 2011, between personal challenges and things not working out the way I would have liked. Not only was it a bummer towards my creativity, but it made me angry and depressed and all sorts of feelings that I decided that I didn't like. You pretty much reach a point where you have to decide what you're going to do - keep doing what you're doing, or do something different. With the New Year came the perfect timing and excuse to get back on track.

All things considered, life is good. Getting better. I just had to remember that.

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Blogging goals.

Reading journal, writing journal - mostly for me, to see if what I think I'm doing actually has any basis in reality. Also, because I want to compare my progress to the book review blogs I read (morbid curiosity). (Also, also) I think I will track sf/f, historical fantasies and documentaries that I watch - I find myself connecting pieces of puzzles with certain stories told with documentaries covering something similar, etc. You'll see, or rather, I'll see how that works out. Har.

Reviewing - I will still do the occasional review for Librarything, whenever I get chosen there. Beyond that, I'm not inclined to review current works/authors - plenty of folks doing that, and they're much better than me. However, for non-fiction and for older works (Marquis de Sade is on my TBR pile), I will likely write up something more comprehensive - though it still won't be a review.

I have ideas for features, and it will really just be a matter of seeing if I have the time to implement them. I like the idea of divulging some of Zherlios' canon, revealing some of the worldbuilding tidbits here and there - with the possible issue of some factoids changing over time as I do more research. I notice that certain issues spring up on author/reviewer/sff blogs that I may pipe in with my 2 cents worth. (The latest one is moral ambiguity in fiction, which is a rehashed argument from a year ago.)

I like the idea of exploring fantasy tropes, and pursuing the idea I started a couple of years ago. Though, I'm not certain if this doesn't fall in with worldbuilding/canon. Going to play this by ear, too.

Magic the Gathering: I've done little more than collect a ton of cards as a hobby, but Dark Ascension is coming out at the end of the month, and the one MTG post I wrote last year has more hits than anything else I've written.

Problem with certain topics is that you pretty much can't discuss anything that someone else hasn't already covered and with likely more skill. Technically, that shouldn't matter.

Ultimately, though, this blog remains a playground for thoughts and ideas and a place to share. The goal is simply to generate more discussions and be more consistent with content. We'll go from there.

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Big ass post. Damn. I gotta work on that, too.

What are your goals in 2012?

Happy Holidays...

The house is still quiet, the children are still snug in their beds; steam curls and winds its way up from my coffee mug, towards the window. A clear, brisk day and I'm thankful for what has come to pass, and what will be.

I'm thankful that anyone reads this blog. ;-)

In the spirit of the season, here is a poem by Lord Alfred Tennyson. Enjoy.

Ring Out, Wild Bells

Ring out, wild bells, to the wild sky,
The flying cloud, the frosty light;
The year is dying in the night;
Ring out, wild bells, and let him die.

Ring out the old, ring in the new,
Ring, happy bells, across the snow:
The year is going, let him go;
Ring out the false, ring in the true.

Ring out the grief that saps the mind,
For those that here we see no more,
Ring out the feud of rich and poor,
Ring in redress to all mankind.

Ring out a slowly dying cause,
And ancient forms of party strife;
Ring in the nobler modes of life,
With sweeter manners, purer laws.

Ring out the want, the care the sin,
The faithless coldness of the times;
Ring out, ring out my mournful rhymes,
But ring the fuller minstrel in.

Ring out false pride in place and blood,
The civic slander and the spite;
Ring in the love of truth and right,
Ring in the common love of good.

Ring out old shapes of foul disease,
Ring out the narrowing lust of gold;
Ring out the thousand wars of old,
Ring in the thousand years of peace.

Ring in the valiant man and free,
The larger heart, the kindlier hand;
Ring out the darkness of the land,
Ring in the Christ that is to be.

Little update.

Good morning. Got moved. Partially.

Partially, as in, most of my things, including my DESK, remain in storage, along with most my former roommates' things.

So while I have my computer set up (clearly), sitting on the floor is not conducive for clear expression. ;-)

I know that last time I moved my (other) blog went south. Won't be happening with this one. Might be a few days, might be another week or so until I meet with my friends and get the items from storage.

Until the next.

Foolish Man, insert proverb here...

I have mentioned that things have been - let's say, "unsettled" - in my home lately. I will spare you the details: it is enough to know that the economic situation has its effect on people, and I have thrown my lot in (one way or the other) and now I must ride out the storm.

I realized just now, while preparing leftovers for lunch, that I'm living wrong. I am living like a man holding his breath, and waiting to exhale. I allow myself moments of levity. It seems that "taking a break" from the pressures of the world and/or my domestic dilemnas, allows me to relax and enjoy my life and not get too stressed out. In general, that would be good advice.

I am stringing together those moments like a man holding his breath - or taking punches to the head in the boxing ring, waiting for the bell. Waiting for the unsettled feeling to go away.

Do we do this, with life? I think we do. I think we make for ourselves a set of circumstances that will allow us to do what we truly want.

I'll get back to writing and revising as soon as I'm less stressed.

But there's always going to be stress. Life doesn't stop just because you need a time out. I suspect the best writers learn how to tune the world out, make it go away.

Instead, I am here, holding my breath and hoping it will go away. This is why I am unpublished. I can analyze the impact of A Game of Thrones (I even watched True Blood last night, along those lines), and I can offer myself all of the comforts of why I should press on with epic high fantasy fiction - and yet, day after day for weeks now, I'm only allowing myself moments of pleasure to ease the discomfort of my situation.

A young child rides his dirtbike outside my window. "Oh, it's too noisy, I can't concentrate." "I'm too tired." "I have to work tonight."

There's always a reason to not do what you want to do. And the world carries on. My situation approaches what we can call a deadline, and the other people involved don't seem terribly concerned.

It'll be fine. Well, things tend to resolve one way or the other, if that's what you mean by fine. Fine shouldn't be good enough. Circumstances shouldn't stand in the way of passion, determination.

"When in doubt, make a fool of yourself. There is a microscopically thin line between being brilliantly creative and acting like the most gigantic idiot on earth. So what the hell, leap." - Cynthia Heimel

I don't know if any of this helps you, but it helped me. Writing always does. Have a great week.